


It's Been Too Long

by Justaidenwrites



Series: Mental health AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Depression, Eating Disorder, Friends reconnecting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, past trauma, positive representation of a mental institution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 15:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17531054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justaidenwrites/pseuds/Justaidenwrites
Summary: Oikawa never thought he’d end up here.Sure, he came willingly. But it was at the recommendation of his therapist, and parents.Well, his parents didn't really recommend it. They said that, either he went, or they would stop supporting his therapy and would kick him out. He couldn't let either of those things happen.At least in an institution, he wouldn't be on his own any more. His new therapist would be on call twenty-four seven if he needed it, and Oikawa would be around people like himself. People recovering from trauma, and people who knew what it was like to look in the mirror every day and wonder if that was the day they finally lost it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> here's a new au im messing around with! It's going to mostly just be a series of short fics that aren't in perfect order. It's mostly iwaoi but will have hints of other ships, and is going to show a mostly positive view of mental institutions. I hope you enjoy! please leave a comment or kudos if you do!

Oikawa never thought he’d end up here. 

Sure, he came willingly. But it was at the recommendation of his therapist, and parents. 

Well, his parents didn't really recommend it. They said that, either he went, or they would stop supporting his therapy and would kick him out. He couldn't let either of those things happen. 

At least in an institution, he wouldn't be on his own any more. His new therapist would be on call twenty-four seven if he needed it, and Oikawa would be around people like himself. People recovering from trauma, and people who knew what it was like to look in the mirror every day and wonder if that was the day they finally lost it. 

And Iwa. Iwaizumi would be there. 

Oikawa wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

He hadn't seen Iwa in over a year, since he stopped coming to their weekly visits. When he stopped being able to leave the house. He could have called and spoke to Iwaizumi and told him why he couldn't visit anymore, but he thought it would just hurt Iwaizumi’s feelings. He never wanted to do that to his best friend. 

The morning they came to get him was full of panic. He hadn't known what he was allowed to pack, if he was even allowed to bring anything. He was too scared of sounding stupid to call his therapist and ask. 

His parents were already gone to work when Oikawa’s therapist came to get him; they didn't feel the need to send orderlies or a doctor. Oikawa was willing to go. He wouldn't put up a fight. 

Oikawa's therapist helped him to pack the small collection of things he was allowed to bring. She didn't touch anything of his; she knew he hated it when people touched his belongings. But if he would ask her if it was okay to bring something with him she would tell him yes or no, would tell him more about his new therapist and the kind of activities they would be doing there to keep his mind from going through every possible scenario. She'd been his therapist for long enough to know what makes him freak. 

“Am I going to be in the same ward as Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked, holding a small, blue blanket in his hands as he spoke. Oikawa had been told he didn't need to bring a blanket, but he knew he had to bring this one. It was the most soothing thing he owned. 

It was the blanket he used to cover his head on days where the world became too much, and he needed to block it all out. It was the blanket Iwaizumi had given him as a gift when Oikawa came home from the hospital, still healing from his injuries. Iwaizumi said it was an apology for not being able to protect his best friend more. Oikawa had thanked him and told Iwaizumi that he had protected Oikawa better than anybody else had, said that he and Iwaizumi needed to stay together forever, now. 

That was when Iwaizumi told Oikawa he was leaving. That he had no choice in the matter after he’d almost broken another kids arm for asking Iwaizumi to give Oikawa a “get well soon” card, which he thought would make Oikawa overthink things and end up panicking.

Iwa was going away, but he told Oikawa he could come to visit as often as he wanted, that he would do anything to be there for Oikawa. 

“It depends on if he's been moved recently. I checked when we looked into finding you a place there and he was in the same ward.” She told him as Oikawa folded the blanket and set it in his bag, so that it covered his journal. “He might have been moved if he started hurting the other patients again.”

Oikawa didn't speak again; He didn't like speaking that much. It felt like every would he said could be the wrong thing, that it could cause someone to lash out and hurt him even if he didn't deserve it. 

But all he could think was, again? 

Iwaizumi had hurt other patients before? 

Would Iwaizumi hurt him? 

Oikawa packed the rest of his belongings, trying to keep his hands from shaking. So many things were happening. He was learning so many things in a short period of time and he didn't know what to do with any of it. 

“Did you eat?” Oikawa's therapist asked as he zipped up his bag. He didn't speak, just stared pointedly down at his hands. She sighed in the way she did whenever she was disappointed in him. 

“You won't get away with that there, Tooru.” She told him. “Your new therapist has all of your files and they're going to be monitoring your weight. You have to eat.” 

Oikawa didn't even want to acknowledge what she said; he already knew, and was struggling to find a way around it. He stood and pulled his bag onto his shoulder. He was ready to go. 

Not really. But he was going to pretend anyways. 

His therapist knew she wasn't going to get anything more out of him. He wouldn't even say goodbye to her if he didn't have to. 

At the front door, he paused. He hadn't been outside in over a year. 

It was daylight, Oikawa reminded himself. It wasn't nighttime, wasn't dangerous. But he knew that the daylight could be just as dangerous. They could get mugged, or get into a car accident on the way to the institution. They could be murdered or kidnapped or Oikawa's therapist could just abandon him on the side of the road- 

Oikawa sucked in a slow, deep breath. His therapist stood just behind him and to the side a little. Watching, waiting. She wanted to see if he could do this on his own, or if she'd have to talk him through it. 

Oikawa gripped the strap of his bag, focused on breathing and trying to work through his thoughts in the way he'd been taught. Tried to counter them with logic. 

He thought through car crash statistics, how most car crashes took place late at night of in high traffic areas. Most kidnappings took place in parks or late in the evening when traffic was low. Oikawa knew his therapist, had known her for three years. She gained his trust and has never once done anything to hurt him. She wouldn't do that now. Her job was to help him. 

If he stepped through this door, he would be able to go somewhere where he could finally get the help he needed. He would be safe there. 

Iwaizumi would be there. 

With that thought, Oikawa took one step out the door. 

\---- 

Ten minutes and several moments of panic later, Oikawa sat in his therapists car as they pulled out of the driveway. Apparently she had anticipated that Oikawa hadn't eaten on his own, so she had brought him some food. It was simply a packet of milk bread and a container of milk, but she had known he would eat at least that much. If he didn't, he would be missing out on his favourite food for however long he ended up in the institution. 

Oikawa had chosen to sit in the backseat, knees brought up to his chest as he picked at the milk bread with his fingers, eating little pieces at a time. Every few moments, she would look at him through the mirror to make sure he didn't hide any of it to get away with not eating. 

The drive took maybe an hour. Oikawa spent most of that time with his blue blanket in hand, watching out the window as they drove by cars and people and places he didn't care about. 

When they arrived at the three-story grey building, Oikawa’s heart began to pound. 

“It doesn't look that nice from the front,” his therapist admitted as Oikawa stared at grey brick and pavement. “But there's a really nice yard outback. It's fenced off, but it has a garden if you’re interested.” 

Oikawa didn't care about a garden. 

His therapist parked her car, and turned to face Oikawa in her seat. 

“They're going to have to search you,” She said, and Oikawa immediately tensed. “They have to make sure you don't have anything you can use to hurt yourself or others.” 

Oikawa could already imagine the feeling of phantom hands on him, touching his body and making him feel sick. 

“They'll do a medical exam, more thorough than what we do when we check on you. They have to be able to measure your progress.” Oikawa's hand clenched around the blanket in is lap. 

“I'll stay there with you the whole time.” She promised, though he didn't exactly feel reassured by that. 

\---- 

Thirty minutes and a full panic attack later, Oikawa was officially admitted to the institution. 

They had done a thorough examination of his body, had checked his weight and his vitals and had even had him strip so they could check him for cuts. That had been the part that had started the panicking. 

When he was usually checked - his therapist looked him over every few visits - she allowed him to only show her the parts that he thought she needed to. His arms, his sides. But the nurse who was looking him over was more thorough, and Oikawa barely managed to remove his shirt before he was shaking and hyperventilating. The nurse hadn't touched him- if she had, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from lashing out at her. She just did what she could to calm him while still doing her job. 

Now, Oikawa was sitting in what was to be his room, on a bed with light blue sheets. The orderly who had walked him down the hallway had told him that he was allowed to stay there to calm down, but he had to be in the common area for lunch in an hour. If he didn't show up, he would be in trouble. 

Fourty minutes later, Oikawa found himself wandering down the hallway, following signs to the common area. 

It was a lot more rowdy than Oikawa expected. There were maybe twenty other teenagers in the room, along with an array of tables surrounded by chairs. The main source of the noise seemed to be from a round table in the middle of the room, surrounded by maybe five or six other guys. 

“Hey!” One of them yelled, practically hopping to his feet. “That's against the rules, man!” The guy who was standing had white hair, black growing out at the roots. He was tall, though not as much as Oikawa. The guy he was talking to was a lanky guy with dishevelled black hair and bright eyes that watched his table-mate with amused glee. The table was surrounded by four others who seemed deeply invested in whatever they were doing. 

Peering at the table, Oikawa realized they were playing a board game. And they were very into it. 

Huh. 

 

Oikawa looked more closely around the room, and found no sight of spiky black hair and dark skin. 

Iwaizumi wasn't here. 

Oikawa didn't understand why he was relieved by that. 

With slow, careful steps, Oikawa walked a bit further into the room. He held his folded blue blanket in his hands. Tucked inside it was his journal, which he'd hid so no one else could see and ask him about it. 

He stepped further into the room, and like he flicked a switch, all eyes fell on him. 

He froze. There were too many eyes on him, all looking at him, watching him. It felt like I've boring into him and make him sick. 

A form appeared behind him. 

“Just ignore them,” an overly peppy sounding voice said. Oikawa flinched and turned his head to find a shorter, silver haired boy looking up at him with a bright grin. “They're just nosy when it comes to newbies.” 

Oikawa's shoulders slumped, though he still shifted away from the other boy. When he looked back into the room, everybody had gone back to what they were doing before. 

“I'm Suga!” The boy tilted his head. “What's your name?” 

Oikawa held the blanket close to his chest and stared at Suga, not exactly sure what to do with such a friendly person. Eventually, he breathed out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

“Oikawa.” He mumbled eventually. Suga glanced to an empty table in the corner of the room. 

“Do you want to sit with me?” He asked. “My friend is still in therapy so I don't have anyone to sit with right now.” 

He hesitated, but after a moment, he nodded. Suga walked into the room and Oikawa followed him, step by step. 

“What are you here for?” Suga asked as they took their seats at the table. Oikawa held his blanket close to his chest, eyes sifting around the room. 

“I-” Oikawa licked his lips, not exactly sure what to say. There were so many things wrong with him that he didn't think he even knew what all of them were called. He settled on the easiest answer. “Complex PTSD,” he admitted. “There's a list.” 

Suga laughed, and Oikawa's shoulders jolted, worried that he'd said something wrong. 

“So like the rest of us here!” Suga said. “Honestly, most of us have a list of at least five different issues. I think the lowest count is two.” He pointed descretely to a table on the other side of the room, where two younger boys sat. The one who Suga was pointing at had a soft smile on his face as he recounted some sort of story. 

“What about you?” Oikawa asked, hesitant. 

“Oh, you can't tell?” Suga made an expression that showed he was joking, flipped imaginary locks of hair over his shoulder. “Im a certified sociopath!” When Oikawa looked at him with furrowed brows, Suga's shoulders slumped. 

“Well, that's what the doctors say,” He sighed. “I mean, I do care for Daichi, so I don't think all hope is lost.” 

“Daichi?” Oikawa asked, head tilting. 

“My friend,” Suga explained. “Well, kind of my boyfriend. At least, we would be if it wasn't for all this.” Suga gestured vaguely to the room around them, but Oikawa knew that he really meant the institution. 

“How long have you been here?” Oikawa asked. 

“Since I was fourteen.” Suga said. “My therapist says that I might be able to leave once I'm eighteen, if I'm able to function somewhat normally.” Suga shrugged as if he couldn't care less. “You know, stop breaking the bones of people who annoy me and whatnot.” 

Oikawa shuddered at the thought. Was everybody here like that? Violent? Oikawa could be violent sometimes, but mostly towards himself. He had the bandages on his arms to show that. 

At the thought of violence, Oikawa thought about what his old therapist had told him about Iwaizumi hurting other people, and then wondered why Iwaizumi wasn't there with him. Had he been told Oikawa was being brought here?

Maybe Oikawa could ask Suga. He'd been there for a while, so he must’ve known Iwaizumi, right?

Oikawa thought it couldn't hurt to ask. Unless Suga didn't like Iwaizumi and decided he didn't want to talk to Oikawa anymore, or decided he wanted to hurt him for even asking about Iwa. 

But Oikawa had to know where his friend was. 

“Uhm,” He forced out after a few moments passed. “Do you know a guy named Iwaizumi Hajime?” He almost stuttered over Iwaizumi’s name. “He's my friend,” He admitted. “I don't know if he's still in this ward or not.” 

“You're his friend?” Suga sounded almost appalled. “He's been here longer than I have. I didn't think he had any friends.” 

Oikawa tugged at one of the white bandages around his left arm. 

“Childhood friend,” He explained. “We grew up next door to each other.” 

“And what's the chance you'd both end up here?” Suga shook his head as if the thought mystified him. Oikawa shook his head. 

“Not chance,” he frowned. “Iwa-chan protected me from everything. He got the worst of it.” Oikawa clenched his eyes shut and sighed. He didn't want to talk about that right now. “Where is he? Is he still in this ward?” 

“Not right now,” Suga said. “He's in the hospital ward for the next two days.” 

Oikawa's eyes widened, and his mind raced. “What happened? Did someone hurt him?” 

Suga shook his head, laughing as if he found the thought of someone hurting Iwaizumi funny. 

“Two of the younger guys got in a fight over the remote again,” He gestured over to a TV area on the right side of the room where a few others boys sat, watching some sort of documentary. “He tried to split it up, but apparently one of the guys had a knife and cut up Iwaizumi’s arm.” Suga shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal. “He's not badly injured but they're giving him a few days to calm down so there isn't another fight.” 

Oikawa's shoulders slumped, caught in between relief and disappointment. He wasn't sure if he was relieved that Iwa was okay, or that he wasn't there for the next couple days. 

He wasn't sure if he was ready to see him just yet. 

\---- 

Lunch came before Oikawa was expecting it. Along with orderlies carrying food, a few more teenagers walked in and found tables with their friends. A burly guy with dark hair walked over and took a seat next to Suga. 

“New kid?” He asked, and after a moment Oikawa nodded. 

“Sawamura Daichi,” He said. “Everybody just calls me Daichi.” 

Oikawa tried for a friendly smile, like the one Daichi was giving him. But he couldn't quite manage it. He was really good at faking smiles when it came to his parents; they were easy to trick. They wanted to believe that they're son had been getting better, so he'd let them. 

“Oikawa.” He mumbled. Daichi and Suga looked to each other and Oikawa swore it was one of the most tender things he’d ever seen. He was pretty sure they had their legs entwined under the table. 

Their food was brought out to them, and Oikawa noticed that each person was given a tray with a sticker labeled with their name on the side. Apparently most people got the same portions of everything, but there were a few who had specific portions. Oikawa noticed his own portions were much smaller than Suga’s and Daichi’s. He was thankful that they weren't making him eat a whole lot right away on his first day, but didn't like the way Suga and Daichi looked at his tray. It was like a tell-tale sign of an eating disorder. 

Oikawa just hoped no one ever felt the need to address it. 

Oikawa noticed a small plastic cup on Suga’s tray, a few pills sitting at the bottom. 

“My medication,” Suga said like he didn't care. “I missed breakfast this morning because of an unscheduled therapy season.” 

“Do they always give them out at breakfast?” He asked. Suga nodded. 

“Usually,” Daichi said. “Unless it's a sleep aid or something that needs to be taken at a specific time.” 

“It's easier to make sure everybody takes their pills when we're all getting them at the same time. They want to make sure we aren't hoarding or trashing them.” Oikawa frowned, but nodded. He picked up his chopsticks and considered his tray, his heart pounding in his chest. He hated eating, especially around other people. 

He didn't avoid eating because of some need to feel skinny; we was naturally thin as it was. He just didn't like the feeling of things in his mouth, things going into his body. Maybe what had happened to him had made him too sensitive to things like that. 

Oikawa knew he wouldn't get away with not eating, but did he have to finish the whole tray? It wasn't much, but it was more than Oikawa usually ate in a day. And he could still feel a few pairs of eyes on him, probably from the orderlies who were still distributing food or other teens trying to scout out the new kid. 

Oikawa tried to ignore the shaking in his hands as he picked up a piece of food and took a slow bite. Instead of thinking about the feeling and texture of the potatoes in his mouth, he thought about the topic they had been talking about. 

Was Oikawa still going to be on the same medications here as he was at home? He tried to list off his little collection in his mind. Meds to keep him from panicking, pain meds to keep his migraine at bay, sleeping pills he had to take on the nights where he couldn't sleep - which was every night -. Not to mention his antidepressants, which he had to take every day. 

Did he take them today? He didn't remember. When he was put on the new prescription a few months ago, his doctor emphasized that they would only help him if he took them on a consistent schedule. 

The main problem Oikawa had with taking his meds was that most of them had to be taken with a meal. 

Oikawa guessed he hadn't taken them today. 

Well, they wouldn't make him take them now if they didn't know for sure whether he’d already taken them. They couldn't risk him taking more pills than he should. 

Oikawa managed to swallow a few bites. It was easier when he was focusing on not thinking about it. He knew, though, that if he was on his own and not being forced to eat, he wouldn't have touched a single bite. 

Lunch came to an end, and one of the orderlies came and told Oikawa he had a session scheduled with his new therapist, which he had known about before hand. He carried his blanket and journal with him but left the tray. The orderly looked at Oikawa as if to say “You can get away with it today, but I'm watching you.” 

Oikawa didn't like that look. 

In another time, Oikawa would have lashed out at the orderly for even looking at him. But after everything that had occurred in the last few weeks, he didn't care much anymore. As long as nobody touched him.

The orderly lead him down the hall and in the direction of his new therapist’s office. They had talked a little on the phone and Oikawa knew that his name was supposedly Ukai. His old therapist told him that he had all of Oikawa’s files and all of her notes. He was told to try his best to trust Ukai and to be honest with him, though he wasn't sure how well that would go. Oikawa didn't do well with male therapists and doctors. 

When they arrived in front of the dark wooden door, the orderly knocked, and there was a call from inside. The orderly pushed the door open and stuck his head inside, saying something to Ukai. Oikawa didn’t hear the short conversation they had, too busy fidgeting with his blanket and hoping he wouldn’t get in trouble for carrying it around with him. He needed it.

When the door was opened wider and Oikawa was motioned through, he saw his new therapist for the first time. 

He didn’t exactly look like most conventional therapists, Oikawa noticed right away. He sat back in a rolling chair at his desk with obviously bleached blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. He was wearing a button-up that was just barely tucked in enough to count. The room smelt a little bit like cigarette smoke, though he could tell Ukai was trying to mask it.

Oikawa was immediately uncomfortable. But not in the way he was when he usually met knew therapists; usually he was made uncomfortable by how professional they were, how little they seemed to care. But Ukai made Oikawa uncomfortable in a different way. Like he was being monitored, like Ukai wanted to know every little detail about Oikawa and his life. Sure, that was Ukai’s job, but Oikawa wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about the obvious-ness of it. 

“You can close the door on the way out,” Ukai said to the orderly, his voice deep and a little rough in a way that Oikawa associated with long-term smokers. Ukai didn’t seem to be that old, maybe early thirties at the lates. Why did he sound like he’d been smoking for more than a decade? The orderly closed the door once Oikawa was far enough inside, and Ukai motioned to one of two plush leather chairs that sat in front of his desk.

“Have a seat, Oikawa.” He said. Oikawa shuffled into the room a little and took a hesitant seat in the chair. Ukai’s eyes dropped to the blanket Oikawa placed to his lap. 

“You carry that everywhere with you, right?” Oikawa nodded, settling his hands in between his knees, shoulders tense. 

“Do you mind telling me why? If I know than I can keep the staff from getting mad about it.” Oikawa hadn’t expected Ukai to want to help him like that so soon. 

“It was a gift,” He said. “When I got out of the hospital. It’s really soothing to hold.”

Ukai hummed and eyed the blanket. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime, right?” Ukai asked. “Your best friend. He was there with you when you were taken that night.”

Oikawa froze up a little, and his eyes dropped to the stack of opened files on the desk. It seemed Ukai had been reading up on Oikawa before he came in. 

“He was.” Oikawa said. “With me. He was with me.” 

Ukai nodded and glanced down at the file on top of the stack for a moment, eyes roaming over words Oikawa couldn’t see. 

“You visited him every week for almost two years, right?” Oikawa nodded. “Why did you stop?”

“I-” Oikawa took a deep breath. Why was Ukai asking him these things? They were clearly written in Oikawa’s file. He didn’t need to ask them. “I don’t like going outside,” He eventually admitted. “It’s dangerous… Last year, I stopped leaving my parents house completely.”

“And now you’re here.” Ukai said, and Oikawa frowned. 

“Yeah.” He said after a short pause. 

Oikawa didn’t say much else for a little while, as Ukai told him about what they would be focusing in the next few months, how he would be given some reading assignments and would have to participate in group therapy twice a week along with their solo sessions. Of course, he brought up Oikawa’s eating habits. 

“One of the orderlies told me you didn’t finish your lunch,” Ukai said. “You know we won’t allow you to do that, right? You’re malnourished enough as it is.” Oikawa clasped his hands together and nodded. 

“I got food on the way here,” He said, hoping that would be a valid excuse. “I wasn’t very hungry.” Ukai nodded, but the expression on his face showed he wasn’t buying Oikawa’s bullshit. 

“Just make sure you eat all of your dinner tonight,” Ukai said, and closed one of the files he had open. They went over a few more things, and then their hour already seemed to be up. Oikawa was just glad they hadn’t gotten too deep into any emotionally heavy stuff during their first meeting.

“You can go,” Ukai said, and Oikawa got to his feet. He held his blanket tightly in his arms as he moved to the door, but Ukai seemed to remember something he needed to say and called him back. 

“We took your situation into consideration when we picked your bunkmate,” Ukai said. “You’ll be staying with Iwaizumi for the time being.” Oikawa’s heart began to pound so loud, he could barely hear the rest of what Ukai was saying. “It’s a trial run, for now. If anything happens, let me know and we’ll move you.” Oikawa stayed frozen there by the door for a few moments, then nodded. Ukai motioned towards the door, and Oikawa left.

He didn’t know what to think. He and Iwaizumi were going to be sleeping in the same room? They hadn’t slept in a room together in years, hadn’t seen each other in so long. Oikawa had been told Iwaizumi had hurt people. Would he hurt Oikawa for abandoning him?

No, Iwaizumi was his best friend, OIkawa reminded himself. He and Iwaizumi loved each other, would never hurt each other. Iwaizumi wouldn’t hurt him. 

Oikawa had the next two days to figure out how to feel about it, he reminded himself. Two days to get used to this new place before he had to acknowledge the friend he’d abandoned. At least, that was what Suga had said. 

Until Oikawa arrived back at his knew room and found a form sitting on the bed opposite to Oikawa’s. Black spiked hair, and green eyes that turned to him when he appeared in the doorway. 

Iwa...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to make this it's own part of the series but I didn't like how short it turned out. Leave a comment if you like it!

Iwaizumi… 

He was there, sitting on the previously empty bed in the room Oikawa had been shown earlier. Oikawa must have made some pained noise at the sight of Iwaizumi, because his head raised and those green eyes met Oikawa's for the first time in over a year, sifting through so many emotions that Oikawa didn't know what was going through his best friend’s head.

“Tooru-” Iwaizumi got to his feet, paling as though he had seen a ghost. “What are you doing here? I thought- you stop visiting me.” At first, it was a question, but then the shock on his face fell a little and was replaced with what Oikawa hoped wasn't anger. “Why did they let you so far into the ward?” 

Oikawa wrapped his arms around himself, his clipped fingernails digging into his arm. 

“I'm not visiting…” Oikawa admitted, though all he could muster was a whisper. “I was admitted here this morning…” 

A pained look flashed across Iwaizumi’s face, mixed with something a little bit like rage. Oikawa found himself backing up until his back hit the wall. 

“Why?” Iwaizumi asked. “You were doing good. You were doing better!” Oikawa flinched at the raising of Iwaizumi's voice, held his blanket closer to his body and hoped Iwaizumi wasn't really mad at him. 

“I-” Oikawa clenched his eyes shut and tried to breathe deeply. “I tried to kill myself again two weeks ago,” He whispered. “My parents said they can't handle me anymore and suggested I come here.” 

“Again?” Iwaizumi asked, and Oikawa flinched when Iwa took a step forward. “You never told me- when did you-” 

“Six months after you came here,” Oikawa's voice was frail and scared. What would happen if Iwaizumi lashed out and hurt Oikawa? Were there any orderlies or nurses nearby who could hear what was going on? What if he had a panic attack? “And then maybe a year later?” 

Oikawa opened the eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed, and Iwaizumi was closer than he expected him to be. He jerked back and almost hit his head against the wall. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Hurt flashed in Iwaizumi’s eyes. “Why didn't you say anything?” 

“Because I didn't want to upset you!” Oikawa's voice broke at the end of the sentence. “You- you told me you feel guilty about what happened and when I-” Oikawa could barely stay standing anymore. He was too overwhelmed, too terrified of what Iwaizumi would think. “I couldn't make you feel more guilty than you already did-” 

Oikawa waited to be hit, to be hurt. For a moment he was back in that dark basement, thirteen years old and covered in bruises and waiting for the next blow. But it never came. Because no matter how violent and anxiety-ridden Iwaizumi had become, he could never hurt Oikawa. 

Instead Iwaizumi sank to his knees and pulled at his hair, eyes shut tight and his shoulders shaking. Oikawa could tell he wanted to scream, to let it all out the way he had when they were split into separate hospital rooms after they had first been found. He had screamed and lashed out and cried until they had to sedate him, and then went silent until they let him see Oikawa again. Oikawa knew that if Iwaizumi started screaming, orderlies would come and they would have no choice but to sedate him. 

Slowly, Oikawa sank to his knees in front of Iwaizumi, the texture of the carpet in their room soft against his legs, witch he could feel through his thing sweatpants. When Iwaizumi didn't lash out at him he slid a bit closer. He unfolded his blanket and let his journal drop to the ground next to him. With slow, careful movements, Oikawa draped his blanket over Iwaizumi’s shoulders. Iwaizumi jolted but didn't lash out, didn't push his hands away.

A part of Oikawa wanted to wrap his arms around Iwaizumi and hold him, wanted to properly comfort his best friend. He could already imagine the terrible tingling sensation that came with contact with the body of someone else. But Oikawa wanted to help Iwaizumi, wanted to help him and make him feel better. 

Oikawa moved a little closer to Iwaizumi's side, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Iwaizumi tensed for a split second, then relaxed. He gripped the blanket right around his shoulders and leaned into Oikawa, taking deep but shaky breaths. Oikawa didn't know what else to do; he'd never soothed Iwa through panic like this before. He'd never seen Iwaizumi so shaken, so vulnerable. All he could do was hold him tightly and hope it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment letting me know if you'd like to see more from this series!


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